The relationship mist

pet rockDear Kitty,

In my normal life I’m pretty strong-minded. And, even when I meet a man, I’m still sparky and smart and argumentative and funny. But then I date him for a while, decide that I really like him and BAM!, suddenly I’m queen of saps. I start mooning around the place when I know he’s going to call. I find myself saying, “Well, I don’t really mind,” when he asks what film I want to see. I speak in this special sugary voice I’ve never even heard before. Continue reading

Collected works or how your gonk museum got started


Good news for Stockport’s Hat Museum! There has been an upsurge in visitors from the Far East recently after it featured in a Chinese documentary.

The Hat Works has over 400 hats from around the world, and shows visitors what life was like when hat manufacturing was a thriving industry in the area.

Hong Yane Wang, who made the documentary about British traditions, said: “We found exactly what we were looking for in the museum.” (Although, given our climate, that might have been a cabinet of spotty plastic rain hoods.)

I’ll say one thing for us Brits, we do excel at large displays of objects you’d usually find gathering dust in cupboards. In Merseyside, for example, there’s a Lawnmower Museum. Devon has a House of Marbles, which at least gives frustrated parents somewhere for their lost ones to go. And there’s the Pencil museum in Keswick, about which you’ll have to draw your own conclusions.

But my favourite has to be the dog collar museum in Kent. You wouldn’t think there was enough rain in the world to drive a person to visit a dog collar museum and yet, amazingly, they do.  Continue reading

Your mother and Meatloaf

2 Winalot

Dear Kitty

I can read my boyfriend’s mind and, frankly, I don’t like it. It all started a month ago when we visited a country park. I suggested we find the deer and he started humming ‘Cavatina.’  Continue reading

Favourite female heroes in fiction #1 – George from the Famous Five

I was completely hooked on The Famous Five books as a kid.

Some of it was wish fulfillment: I was a working class kid from the north of England, devouring these entrancing tales of four middle class children who rowed to the family-owned island, had delicious-sounding picnics and embarked on adventures-a-plenty.

But also, it was in these books that I was introduced to George “Don’t call me Georgina” Kirrin and her amazing dog, Timmy (so clever he counts as one of the Five.)

I wanted to be just like George. Continue reading

Every journey starts with a single headscarf

1 windmill

Dear Kitty,

Am I the only one without a five year plan?

I spoke to my sister the other day and she said that maybe the reason I’m so apathetic is I float through life like a mangy piece of driftwood. She actually said the word ‘mangy’. I couldn’t even muster up the oomph to be offended. Continue reading

Bad everything days

People! Have you ever had the sort of day when you just can’t face the world?  When you suddenly realise that your thighs are offensive, your nose is objectionable, your muffin top is a cosmic joke, and that zit on your chin is developing its own personality (and it’s the personality of Nigel Farage?)  Continue reading

Find me another indifferent twerp

superwoman 2

Dear Kitty

I’m dating my ex-boyfriend. I mean, he’s not the exact same person, but he might as well be.

I can’t understand what happened because I distinctly remember saying I was not on the lookout for another emotionally-stunted Capricorn with a Superwoman fixation. Continue reading

Dogs, dates and the trouble with doting

5 dog

Dear Kitty,

My best friend told me to quit obsessing. She says she’s sick of watching me get dumped on. She says that relationships are based on mutual respect and that I spend all my time jumping through hoops trying to make my boyfriends happy when I should be thinking about taking that sketching class I’ve always talked about. Continue reading

Wristbands for singles

Lately, the question on every unattached person’s mind is: should I be wearing a singles wristband?

The answer is no, don’t be so daft. That’s it. You can go about your business now. Seriously, those tiles won’t grout themselves.

I sense you want more. Okay, here’s the situation: these silicone wristbands are the brainchild of Rina and Rob, a Danish-British couple who met by chance in Lanzarote, fell in love and – evidently alarmed by the idea that they might easily never have found one another – decided to start a business helping singles identify potential soul mates.

Imagine a world where all singles can be recognised by other singles,” demands the My Single Band website. I did imagine it. Then I imagined a world where everyone gets euthanized at the age of thirty and is minced up and turned into soylent green, but perhaps that’s just my peculiarly warped outlook. Continue reading