Find me another indifferent twerp

superwoman 2

Dear Kitty

I’m dating my ex-boyfriend. I mean, he’s not the exact same person, but he might as well be.

I can’t understand what happened because I distinctly remember saying I was not on the lookout for another emotionally-stunted Capricorn with a Superwoman fixation.

Then along came this guy who was funny and solvent and absolutely ready for a meaningful relationship. But get this: five months in it turns out he’s scared of commitment, lousy with money and stops picking up if I so much as catch a cold! He’s exactly like the last guy!

It’s just this time he hid it better.

Back to the drawing board?

Bamboozled, London

 kitty column pic

Dear Bamboozled,

It’s an easy mistake to make. On a conscious level you’re looking for someone who’s bright, honest and comes with his own backbone. Unfortunately, no-one rewired your behaviour so your subconscious took this as code for ‘find me another indifferent twerp.’

Have you wondered why, when a woman walks into a bar, her eyes are drawn to the brooding hulk in the corner? Is it chemistry? Is it fate? Or is it the way he looks like he couldn’t give a shit? (Right next to him is an equally cute guy with no pregnant ex-girlfriend or bankruptcy record but she won’t have detected him because he’s “not her type.”)

When it comes to relationships (and, also, eyeshadow) we’re destined to repeat our mistakes until we solve them. This is why boyfriend #2 is often boyfriend #1 with different hair. You could go back to the drawing board but that on its own is not enough because boyfriend #3, even if he’s sporting a dog collar, will still be the kind of man to sleep with your sister when you break your leg.

A great philosopher once said: “If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always got.” Okay, I heard that on Will & Grace. But still. You want a different partner, you have to behave like a different woman. I don’t know how. Show your vulnerable side. Change your earrings. Try dating guys who don’t make your obsession kick in after first meeting. See what happens.

Kitty